(Author’s Note: hello hello! I’m so grateful to have you here in The Depth and reading along with me. I’m committed to writing to you weekly (barring illnesses and unforeseen circumstances, in which case I’ll make it up to you as I’m able), and you’ll also find a message or guided exercise from me monthly in the podcast section. Most of my writing is behind the paywall at $7/mo because this guards my artist’s heart and gives me an open space to speak and write freely. I also want to write to all of you and get to know you (and have you know me!) so one of those pieces I write each month will be for everyone, paid or no. Whether you’re with me weekly or monthly, I want you to know I’m glad you’re here and I hope you’ll say hello.)
As I’m sitting here trying to narrow my thoughts into something cohesive, I’m listening to The National, which also led me down a rabbit hole of reading about their latest album. The lead singer/songwriter Matt Berninger has always struck me as a fairly normal tortured artist (and I mean that very kindly with the knowledge The National has long been one of my favorite bands–you all can blame my college boyfriend for this one). Berninger has always done this artist’s dance between writing some things that are beautiful and engaging, and being caught in a cycle of weed, wine, and his own mind. In fact, the one time I did see them in concert, he was so drunk he wandered off stage in the middle of more than one song (I’ve heard this isn’t typical, but you know, it’s the only experience I have with seeing them in concert).
This scenario has me thinking, maybe my habits are not the same, but am I any different in that pattern? How many songs (situations) in my own life have I wandered off in the middle of because I didn’t want to be there, or because I’d convinced myself that being somewhere else was better? Because I was stuck in my pattern or a story I’d been telling myself? How many times have I checked out of where I am because it felt like too much? Or not done the thing I knew I needed to do because it seemed too hard to do?
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